I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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