yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
