You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
