I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
