mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
