i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
