are you so shy because you have an std?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This baby is an asshole
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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