How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
