So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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