i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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