When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
