I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
