he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
