It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
