just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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