I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
