I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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