Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
me + whiskey = a bad person
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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