Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
