party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
