He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
