She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
