I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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