I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
