Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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