Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
