Where are you?
In a non slutty way
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
