So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
