I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
