I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
