he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
