Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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