So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
