Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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