Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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