My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
