dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
