Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
