Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
