When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
