So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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