Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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