I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
