I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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