I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
