is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
