First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My vagina is very pro this idea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
