Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
