The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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