I think my vagina is haunted
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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