I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
