the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
