True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm getting married
To pizza
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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