Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
