ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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