Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
