Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
