i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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